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Aug. 5th, 2010

ITSATRAP

(no subject)

Hello!

Hope everyone is well. Things are good here...hectic like woah right now. Gimik and I are both super busy at work that we really only have about an hour or two together a night before bed. We were lucky and took last weekend (long weekend) as time together and went to the zoo and such. This weekend however, we are both doing over time.

Work is good...responsibilities are mounting up. There are times I want to quit, but because I hate where I am working, but because I feel like I am ready to grow out of this position. Unfortunately, with my company you need a degree to move on...I don't have one. It's scary to think that I've been excited to finsh my designation after 5 years of working towards it, with hopes of going higher...only to know that I now need a few more years until that's possible. I won't go to another company as the one I am at is one of the largest in our country and is really really awesome.

Starting up an FET (frozen embryo transfer) in September. Let's hope this one sticks. Meeting with my RE before hand to discuss my last two cycles, what went wrong and how we can change it. My gyno wants me to move to another clinic if it doesn't work this time, I don't think he thinks I am getting proper care there. It's sweet that he got fustrated. *sigh* he's hot too. South African so he has this awesome accent. Not totally my type though, so not a dream worthy hot...just a sigh kind of hot.

Anyways,

Not much else going on lol. Things are just really busy. I'm hoping they lighten up soon. I have a vacation in a week. Just by myself...no real plans other than my meeting with my RE. Might look into booking my G2 exit exam...we will see.

So yeah.

How's life with you?

Jul. 5th, 2010

ITSATRAP

Back to Life, Back to Reality

So vacation is over.

It was nice. I was sick the Thursday before, and I had the Friday off due to the wonderful G20 business...that's the last I will say on that matter.

So I basically chilled and did domestic stuff those two days. Thursday I hung out with Ali a bit and we grabbed all the camping gear we needed for the weekend.

Still not sure why we bought a tent, sleeping bag, air mattress and other various items, when my sister offered hers...but we  now have a cool tent, comfy sleeping bag and an air mattress should we ever need them.

Saturday we drove up to our friends cottage and spent the night hanging out with friends. Slept under the stars and I really got to understand how small my bladder is as I made several trips accross the lawn back and forth during the night. Woke up Ali apparently.

Woke up to the sound of cows mooing and roosters calling...that was a first. Kinda nice in a way.

Sunday we slowly made our way back to the city, dropped Ali off and chilled out.

Apparently I left the window open on the back drivers side a touch, and we had a downpour, so the back seat was wet. Ooopps.

Monday did nothing. Tuesday visited an old co-worker, did some shopping and went home. Wednesday....I think I did nothing?

Thursday we went to the beach to see the fireworks. First time in the 11 years we've been together that we've done that. It was great, we had awesome seats. The walk home because the TTC was slow and it would have cost us UBER amounts to cab....well we felt it the next day (all up hill).

Friday we chilled during the morning and then met up with Ali for a double bad movie night. First Twilight at Scotiabank, then The Last Airbender and AMC. Was lots of fun.

Saturday I went to the spa with my sister and did some shopping, Sunday we did nothing. Not a thing. Was nice.

Back to work today. I didn't dread the trip in, nor do I dread being here...but there is a sad feeling in my chest.

I think I've lost my love for my work. It's not interesting anymore. It's stressful and super busy, and not exciting or challenging to me anymore.

I don't know how to fix this other than looking for a higher position somewhere else, which I'd rather not do right now. I like my buildings, I like my team. I can't ask for a promotion within because there isn't the spot, plus there is no room for someone to take over my job in the offfice. I can't ask for more different and exciting work...I'm having issues staying on top of my current work.

I actually felt the words "I quit" coming out of my mouth this morning. I've never been like that. I told Gimik that happened this morning and he is wondering what's going on. It's not typical of me at all. I've only ever left a company before to do reasons like abusive management. Not just because I don't want to do it anymore.

That's not me.

I hope I can work through this because I can't just leave. We couldn't afford it, I have no idea what else I would do....it's just not in the cards.

I guess I just suck it up for now and keep moving. But how do I get motivated?

Jun. 21st, 2010

ITSATRAP

Best Birthday Ever

So on Tuesday (the 15th) I turned 30.

*sigh* I don't feel 30 at all though, I feel waaayyy to young to be 30.

My Husband was on a mission. His last birthday I took months to plan and had done it all up in Pirate theme and the guests actually came dressed as pirates! It was awesome!

So my Husband decided that I needed an awesome 30th birthday. First it started off with my gift.

Every year we say we are going to go to High Park where there are over 2000 cherry blossom trees, that only bloom for about a week every year.

Every year, we miss the bloom either due to birthdays, weather or just plain forgetting.

So Gimik did research on the different types of cherry blossom trees, how big they grow etc etc. He called a bunch of landscaping companies and nurserys and finally found the right one.

One my birthday, while I was at work, Sheridan nursery came over and planted a cherry blossom tree in my front yard, so that I would never have to miss the blooms again.

Seriously...doesn't get much better.

And yet it does.

Then my party was this past Saturday. He invited a whole swack of people and we had more food then we know what to do with! He kept telling me about an errand he had to run, and I was insisting that it better now be for another gift because the tree was awesome.

We had minor drama with a leak in the livingroom making it so my awesome friend Ali ended up running the errand for Gimik. She came to the house with two pink bags and I was told to close my eyes. She and Gimik set it all up and called me over. There on the diningroom table was 4 dozen cupcakes from The Cupcakery all adorned with the faces of my Tokidoki purse, two special cupcakes one with Adios the other with Ciao Ciao who are boyfriend and girlfriend just for Gimik and I.

It was amazing.....soooooo much fun with everyone there. I got hammered. We have TONS of food and cupcakes left over...waayyyy more then we will ever be able to eat so God only knows what we will do with it all.

But it will go down in history as the best birthday ever.

Gimik has asked me to not try to top it because he nearly made us go broke.


I swear I love that man more than air.

Jun. 2nd, 2010

ITSATRAP

ZOMG An Entry

So an update...

Well we are on a baby break if only until July. Been an ok break so far...my body still isn't 100% back to normal, but we are getting there.

Enjoying the weather, doing lots of gardening prepping the garden for my birthday party.

Big 3-0. Exciting...I think I am one of the only people who gets *super* excited about their birthday....like I feel like I am going to burst excited.

Dave is good...life in general is good.

I've been told not to look at the money for awhile now as Dave is working on my birthday stuff and so I can't see expenditures...this means I have gotten a little out of hand with some spending so I need to reel back.

Going to possibly try some yoga classes soon. I need the de-stress factor and apparently it helps with fertility in some way.

They built me an office at work...no more machines beind my head and I have a door.....bliss.

They are going to take one of the pictures I took at the Liberty Grand or a cherry blossom tree and blow it up to poster size and hang it on my wall <3.

Up until now I haven't been one of those people who were upset/ angry/hurt by other pregnant people or people with children.

The first negative with my IVF wasn't a catalogued pregnancy so I don't think it hurt so bad when it didn't work.

This past time I was pregnant. That killed me. Now I feel slightly sad when I see baby things, or pregnant women. I know someone who is as far along as I would have been and I kinda read up on their baby info like...that could have been me. I try not to get too sad over it. I mean there really isn't anything we can do but move forward. This is a long journey and we are just beginning it.

So yeah coming up: 30th birthday...time to party.

May. 4th, 2010

ITSATRAP

I was so sure

I was so sure it would work this time.

My cycle has been great. I haven't been reacting to the meds too bad. My lining was excellent, the transfer was awesome, I've felt nothing but happy, healthy and de-stressed.

I was spotting right in time with what my calendar said would be implantation time.

I'm in my second week of the two week wait. My blood test is on Monday to see if I am pregnant. We had 3 embyos transferred even. My period is scheduled also to start in Monday.

Typically I spot 3-4 days before my period so I expected to see some more spotting around Thursday-Friday.

Imagine my surprise when I saw red this morning. A week early. I'm sometimes late...but EARLY?

I don't know how this would end in a positive. I'm so bloated it almost hurts. My cramping is actually less then my typical period cramping. So this is probably my period.

I'm sad. Yes there is next time and I will...I don't know what I will do differently...honestly I don't think there is anything I can do differently next time. I knew coming into this cycle that my chances with FET were only a mere 20%....so I knew it probably wouldn't work..but you gotta keep the hope alive right.

Apr. 20th, 2010

ITSATRAP

Hello

So I had my first ultrasound today. This ultrasound just checks that the lining is thick enough for an embryo to make it, it's home.


At this time you want your lining to be above .80cm. Mine was at 1.3cm so my doctor took one look and was like Perfect! I smiled and said that that there was a good word.

I got my progesterone. They are using a different one now. It's 3x the cost, but less messy and I only have to take it twice a day as opposed to 3x, so a lot more convenient.

I am on estrace (estrogen) until Thursday at 4mg 2x daily, on Thursday I drop back down to 2mg 2xdaily. The side effects have hit me pretty hard I guess. I'm tired. A lot. I have a very very sore chest. I'm bitchy like WOAH amusing Dave to know end thankfully. I had cramps yesterday and the doctor said this wasn't normal, but because I didn't have any breakthrough, he said not to worry.

My transfer is on Monday morning. Dave is trying to get the day off to be there. I just took last Friday as a personally day to go with Dave for a doctor appointment, so I am hating having to ask for another 2 days at the beginning of next week (I'll be on bedrest the rest of the day Monday, and it takes 42 hours for implantation to occure, so it helps to be on bedrest for another 24hrs). Luckily there are no deadlines that week as it is the end of the month. Most of my deadlines happen at the beginning of the month.

I'm up in the air about accupunture. We did it the first time and it was nice, but at $200 a pop and I've used my company coverage for the year, but we do still have David's...I'll see what he says.

So yeah, I'm happy and things seem to be going super well. The backyard is shaping up to be beautiful and we are planning on buying a gazebo and chairs and a picnic table so we can enjoy it this summer.

Apr. 15th, 2010

ITSATRAP

Hello

I've started my FET cycle. This is the cycle where they use some of my frozen embryos.

I'm currently taking estrace which is an estrogen pill, later I will be on progesterone.

This cycle is much easier as there are no needles and I don't have to take everything at the exact same time.

So I feel calmer.

I am having some side effects from the estrace I am sure. Just waiting to hear from my nurse.

I'm very tired. I have headaches which I know are normal, but the tiredness is insane.

I go in for my first ultrasound on the 20th, and then every day until my lining is thick and my blood levels are high.

4 days from then I get my eggies transfered and enter the dreaded 2ww. So yay life.

Mar. 16th, 2010

ITSATRAP

(no subject)

Well I haven't posted much lately. Not much going on.

Got my tokidoki marvel hats/tees they are awesome.

I'm sick. It's not helping that while being sick, I am clenching my teeth at night making my jaw and head hurt all day. It sucks.

Vacation in 2 weeks.

Am super horomonal, residue of the treatment and cycle being late.

Otherwise life is good

Mar. 11th, 2010

ITSATRAP

Bippity Boppity Boo

Haven't updated recently. Not much is going on.

Weather is great,  tokidoki stuff is taking forever to arrive, as is Gimik's Olympic jersey.

Almost for the APM job. Now I am looking at self-study university courses.
Cats  are great.
Gimik is great.

Life in general is pretty damn great.

We've been successful in living like I'm on mat leave. It's built a nice nest egg. Well unless we have to do another full round of IVF, but it means not doing into debt doing IVF which is awesome.

My body is still getting back to normal. This was my first horomone free month since my round of IVF and I'm late. I kind of expected it, but man that's a mind fuck. It's like, I know I am not pregnant there is no way, but as soon as you're late it's like the first thing that comes to mind.

So yeah. Going to see Alice on Friday. Looking forward to that.

Mar. 1st, 2010

ITSATRAP

(no subject)

I vote for this day to be over.

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